2011

This year began with me seeking the Lord about the year ahead. What were His plans for me, Awaken, and the nations? His direction was to go back to the original words He gave me before I arrived in Kona in 2010, Israel, family, commitment, community, communion. He also added in the nation of France as well as getting to know Him as Father.

He more than met me above what I had ever expected. I became committed to the Awaken family, to see one another grow and pursuing our Father, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. To see one another’s visions come to pass. To see God’s vision come to pass on what this Awaken community means in Kona and in the nations. In the spring our community grew and we made sure to have family time including communing with one another at least at one meal a day, meeting for Bible studies and times of worship through out the week. Our times extended in to game nights, movie nights, etc. always being sure to invite others to be a part of whatever we were doing. Our understanding of family grew to a new level.

It had been on my heart since 2010 to lead a team to Israel and I was asked to scout out the possibilities in May and in September we were able to take two teams of students to Israel serving the believers in Tel Aviv and Jerusalem. It was an amazing time in Jerusalem to do what the Lord asked of us which was to minister to Him in local houses of prayer. What an honor and privilege to be able to do that. Our team grew in their relationships with Jesus and our relationships with one another. Again, building a family was the outcome of our love for our Savior and our love for one another.

Seeing God as Father, I thought I had always had been doing that but I learned so much in this year that I was not fully grasping, the fact that He is our heavenly Father. He wants the best for each one of us. His love is big. The harder but most rewarding part was learning to be a daughter of the God of the universe. When I fell short, became insecure, etc. it was all because I had lost sight that I am a daughter of the Living God, Jehovah. Jesus made the way for us to partake in His Kingdom as sons and daughters of His Father, our Father. This is the greatest revelation for me, I am His daughter. Thank You, Father God, for this revelation.

The greatest outcome of being a part of a discipleship training school is to live and see the transformation of our students as they realize that this same living God is filled with unconditional love for them and that He wants the best for them and their lives. Our family in Jerusalem was made up of three staff and nine students. We were greatly honored to be able to walk with them as they begin to put off the old man and to daily walk out their lives as new men and women in Christ Jesus. We saw twelve lives transformed but the biggest transformation came from the nine students who were transformed by the love of God. I couldn’t ask for a better way to live out my life.

Currently I am visiting my mother and brother in Corinth, TX. This time is a time to enjoy my family during the holidays. I also am looking forward to some good quality time with Jesus during this time. To start the new year I am hoping to be able to join a few of the Awaken staff in Kansas City, MO to seek the Lord together and to grasp vision for Awaken for 2012 and beyond. I am hoping to be there from the 4th  to the 22nd  of January but I am open to the Lord’s leading.

Dreaming with The Father

You know you are at a place of intimacy in any relationship when you are free to share your dreams. Dreams can be deep, vulnerable, crazy, abnormal, etc. but you don't share them with just anyone. The person or persons have to be fully trusted because they are being allowed a glimpse in to your heart. Even in the sharing we have to be aware of the much or the little we share because dreams are delicate and easily shattered.

Currently I am in a community of family that are beginning to realize that we are being able to fully trust one another with some of the dreams that we have. Some are committing to see the dreams of others come to pass, some are still trying to see the more details of their dreams in order to bring them to pass, while others are still in a state of dreaming with the Lord. Either way, it is the greatest pleasure to know that in one way or another I will be a part of this growing family of dreamers.

Be free to dream,
free to dance
free to sing.
Be free to dream big,
free to go
free to grow.
Be free to dream unhindered,
free to be radical
free to be bold.
Be free to dream!

Going to the Higher Places in God

One of the things that just came to mind recently is while in this constant state of going after the Lord, worshiping Him in spirit and in truth, I have realized that it is becoming harder and harder to go back to any old ways, or to be complacent or allow apathy to enter into my life. He is continually present in my life but staying in His presence is a whole other story. I love being with Him. I love singing to Him. I love having Him with me throughout the day. I am daily changing in little ways that only I and the Lord notice but it is good and yes hard. Humble pie seems to be on my daily menu, pride slowly losing its strength in my life. Short accounts are always a good thing but more and more they are necessary in order to stay in His presence. I think the hard part is more from my flesh than the actual laying down of my rights to what the Lord is asking me to lay down. His yoke is easy and His burden light. Life seems to get easier and easier but yet it is hard to accept that I have so much junk in my life. I am so glad that His love is sufficient, never ending, always new and giving.

Promises made, promises fulfilled

Where do I begin. Promises are good. Where we put time constraints on those things we promise I have realized that the Lord really doesn't say things with a time limit. By time limit I mean a date, a season or what ever else we may say "when such and such happens" or "when you do this by this time then I promise this will happen". It really shows the Lord means business, especially when He tells us to make our yes mean yes and our no mean no.

I really feel like I am entering a season of promises being fulfilled in my life. He has been reminding me promises He has given me in so many areas of my life, some have been forgotten, some ever present before me. Because of His faithfulness I am able to see the light at the end of this tunnel of waiting to see these promises fulfilled. I want what God has for me and I am not about to try and push the date or time of when I think it should all happen, that's when Ismaels are born and I want the Isaacs.

I think my biggest encouragement is to wait and trust. God knows the times and seasons of our lives. He knows what is best for us at all times.

Earbuds and Gratefulness

Have you ever gone through a season with the Lord where you just weren't sure what He is wanting you to learn from it? I am in the midst of this. So much is happening and I can't really put my finger on it but at this very moment I know that it is very good.

Now, what does earbuds have to do with this. Not sure how open I have been about this but this has been a year of seeing my God provide right in time for my finances. But in the midst of that I have had moments where I am having needs arise but so far He has been so faithful. He is faithful. Just tonight I was plugging in my earbuds and somehow I had pulled the wires a little too far this time. You see, the past few months my earbuds have slowly been damaged at the connecting point of the plug. Each time I have pulled it a little further I would say, "Oh, yeah, I need new earbuds but I don't have the funds for new ones. Thank you Lord for some new earbuds." This has been happening off and on for the past few months. So, back to tonight, like I said I really tore them where now they are damaged. So, I said to my roommate, "Now I really need some earbuds." She said to me, "Oh, well there are some on the floor here. Are they yours?" "No, not mine." She then mentioned, "They have just been on the floor for a few days now." The key thing in this is it is just me and her in our room, the room had been cleaned before she arrived and I had not seen these earbuds anytime before her arrival. For me, my heavenly Father has once again heard my need and has provided. Thank You, Abba!

I am so grateful for all He is doing in my life. Even though I don't know fully what He is taking me through I know that it is good because He is very good.

Yad Vashem (...a memorial and a name)

We happened to visit the Holocaust Museum here on Sunday. It has taken a day in between for me to be able to write anything about it. Overwhelming is what it became. So much information, so much truth, so much horror, so many stories. We walked the main hall that was divided into many corridors that gave the history of what led to the holocaust, the breakdown in each country that allowed the nazi's to become the power in the nations they conquered, and the victims stories. As we walked along and read the stories along the way the realities of the horrors that came upon the Jewish people in Europe really came to life when I would stop to listen to the survivors tell their stories themselves. Emotions still raw, memories still vivid. The display cases holding possessions of victims and survivors families. So much to take in.

At the end of it all you are taken to an overlook that has a view of the Jerusalem forest and it leaves you with a sense of the hope that the land of Israel is for the Jewish people. As we walked out of the museum complex on the arch there was the scripture from Ezekiel 3:5 Behold, I will cause breath to enter into you, and ye shall live.

Trusting

My heart is exposed, free to feel pain, joy, love and so much more.

It seems to beat in silence but yet it seems so loud.

What is it saying? Can I trust the beat of my heart?

Can I follow it where it leads?

What is this that I hear? A song, a beat much louder than mine.

Oh, how I long for my heart to beat in that much louder tune.

Oh, how I want to sing the song Your heart sings.

The song you sing it sounds familiar.

A tune I have heard for many years.

The song is the song You have sung over me.

As I focus in, I recognize the faint beat of my heart in tune with Your heart.

Israel

I can hardly believe the fact that I am in the nation of Israel. As we adjust to the culture and the time change we walk around the cities of Tel Aviv and Jaffa getting a sense of the people and this nation. Coming in to this time I am so amazed that God has provided for us and given us this opportunity. I anticipate the Lord to guide our steps during this time and create the connections needed to set up outreach opportunities. He is good and I know that He has all things good for those He loves. Make sure to read the Awaken Israel blog to keep up with the day to days of this time in Israel.

From servanthood to sonship

So, this season in my life has been quite interesting to say the least. Around the first month of the year I had a moment during a set in the prayer room where I felt the Lord saying to me that I am His daughter. For some time I know that God has been telling me this over and over again. For me I thought that yeah, I am His daughter but do we really understand that we are God's children, that what Jesus did on the cross was not only allow us to be able to approach the God of the universe but to be considered His sons and daughters?

Take a moment and think of how your parents make you feel. I know that some of us did not necessarily have the best parents but even on their best days think about how they made you feel, what they did for you, most of the time without you asking. What words did they say to you that made you feel like the most special, most important person in the world. Now, think about how the most perfect person, the most loving, gracious, kind and gentle person in the world is your Daddy God. He speaks over us daily, He dances over us, He songs over us. He owns the cattle on a thousand hills. We have been given access to the same inheritance that Jesus received. Wow!

That is what God has been bringing me to, a place of understanding. Taking it from a thought in my mind to the reality of the word in my heart. That He will take care of us like parents take care of their children. He will provide for us like parents provide for their children. He will encourage and strengthen us, give us time to grow in what we are learning, have patience for us to make the right choices, cheer us on when are needing a boost of confidence. He is the almighty God but He is also our Father, Abba.

Finishing Strong

Have you ever noticed how when you come down to the last few weeks of school, or leaving any place to move on to something new you seem to run out of steam or just become complacent? I was just wondering this as I observe people coming to the end of this quarter. Then the thought came to my mind that it could very well be the reason that even Jesus does not know when He will return. Could it be that if we knew the date and the hour that we would loose steam, slow down, not be as diligent or endure through it all? Instead Paul heeds us to endure the race, keep going until you cross that finish line. Anyone who runs will tell you that that last bit of the race you actually try to run faster then at the start or in the middle. Our race is not over, we have to keep the pace going regardless if you are coming to the end of one season and entering into another. Acutally the end of your seasons should be the best because you should be leaving at the top of your game. Keep the goal before you, the Kingdom of God is now.

Living the Dreams

Have you ever had a dream? Has that dream ever come true? I don't know where to start or even when it began but I have been living out my dreams. I mean literally living them out. No, not in a weird way but I could go back in my dream journal and tell you the dates when some of these dreams have come true.

It is so amazing to walk with God. He truly blows me away almost daily but lately it is because of these moments not of deja vu but the reality that He has shared with me things I will be doing at some point in time. The reality started to hit me back in Central Asia. While there I had a moment that I recognized an area of the capital city from a dream I had years ago. In that dream I was with a group of people meeting in an underground church. As I wondered about that I questioned why would there be an underground church in this particular country but then it occurred to me that Muslims converting would bring the need for an underground church. It was right before we left that I discovered that there are many underground churches there and meeting near the area I had seen in my dream.

As I prepare to go to Israel my excitement level is increasing. As I ponder about all of the dream possibilities I have I grow even more excited and then my intercession level increases. Amazing to be living life with a living God who shares with us His secrets.

'Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know.' Jeremiah 33:3

The Joy Set Before Me

"fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

Have you ever taken a moment to wonder why you may have to deal with certain issues, people types, situations, etc. over and over again. Or even at this moment in time taken a minute to wonder what is this trial for, why am I always dealing with this or that? In life God never promised it to always be perfect or easy but He did promise that He would be with us always. As we go through life and the bumps and bruises come up we can take it as an offense, hurt or worry or we can choose to take it to the One who can heal the bumps and bruises, the One who can help carry our load. The faster we choose to run to Him the faster we walk through this, He refines us and we move on. If we choose to keep that hurt or offense we miss out on learning His ways and then having to repeat the trial again.

With all of that said, take a moment, how big is all of that to have to endure when Jesus went through His own trial knowing what that endurance meant. It meant you and I being with Father, Son and Holy Spirit for eternity. It meant experiencing the love the Godhead has for each one of us and never reaching the end of it. It meant that we were so valuable to the Three of them to endure death, burial and resurrection. For me I have a new way of seeing the severity of what I am going through compared to seeing my family coming to a fullness in Christ. It also means enduring these trials in order for the nations I go to to come to the knowledge of the Holy One, the Lover of their souls. After a time in the prayer room as I was pouring out my heart over matters that is what I saw, the end result of endurance, people coming into right communion with the Great God Jehovah, the Mighty One. Words really can not express what is in that revelation but it is in my bones now and that helps me to endure for the joy that is set before me.

Saturday Thoughts

Light streems into my loft. I am listening to different sounds. Music, chatter, birds, the keys as I type this post. Somewhere in the middle of it all I hear the still quietness of the lover of my soul. His gentleness makes life so much more peaceful. His whispers make my heart melt in rememberance of His goodness. His love is so much better than wine, so much sweeter that honey. He brings to mind visions of art that have yet to be painted, visions of words yet to be written, of life yet to be lived. His shalom allows me to be content in the day before me.

"It's ok. I've got you."

So, here I am again facing those ships. You know the ones. The names of these ships are not the Nina, the Pinta nor the Santa Maria. These ships are called safety, security, stability. These hold a false hope that if things do not work here you always have a way to go back. They take me from this place of pure enjoyment and fulfillment that I have been experiencing to the humdrum of life having a 9 to 5 job with the regular paycheck. After hearing all in one day friends speak about how when they said "no we have to continue in what we know God has called us to. We have to contend for this ability to stand in faith. There is no plan B.": I realized that I had a plan B.

As much as I would have despised in accepting it I knew that I was having more faith in that plan than in what God had given me for the year. So, I am burning the ships of financial safety, financial security and financial stability that the world's view says would give us. With that said I am asking Father God to give me His safety, His security, His stability. With this decision I know that I won't have the fear of a failing economy, or of job layoffs, downsizing, buyouts, etc.

During worship time in a still small voice I heard these words, "It's ok, I've got you." As I heard them I saw a child being caught or carried by her father and him telling her these words of comfort.

He is my strength. He is my strong tower. He holds me in His everlasting arms.

:שְׁמַ֖ע יִשְׂרָאֵ֑ל יְהוָ֥ה אֱלֹהֵ֖ינוּ יְהוָ֥ה ׀ אֶחָֽד

"Hear, Yisra'el: the Lord is our God; the Lord is one:

This one of the most striking verses to hear at least when I attend a Shabbat

service and hear it canted. Israel is on my heart. She actually has been even more so since 2003 when the Lord started sharing with me alot about Israel and what His plans are for me going to Israel. It is a greater thing that will take steps to come to completion. For me, I know that my heart for Israel is two fold: that the nations in her would come to the truth that the Lord is our God and that Jesus is the Messiah, the real peace maker; that the Lord will use me to be a part of bringing this truth and His ways to the people He would have me to live among.

I'm not sure when I had this dream but it is still very clear to me and I know I need to share it now.

I am in an older city with lyme stone walls and small paths between the buildings. I am in a preschool or daycare with three little girls. Somehow I knew that one was Jewish, one was Arab, and the last was Christian. They all three were playing together without a care in the world but to love one another and have fun while playing. One by one each girl was picked up by her mother. At the end of the day I was walking in the walkways on my way to meet some friends when I came across the Arab little girl. She got so excited to see me outside of the school but her mother quickly realized what was happening and looked at me in fear. Somehow I knew the father was unaware of the girl attending the school. The father saw me smiling at the wife and daughter and was curious but did not pry. I smiled at him and greeted him I guess in Arabic. He nodded and I went on to meet with my friends. When I got out of the dark, small walkways onto a hill it was then that I saw the familiar old city of Jerusalem.

I have had many similiar dreams of me working in that nation. I thought some were now dreams but seeing what growth I have had in the years in between and seeing what I have been doing in the past year I can see that God's timing is always the best way to go. In the meantime I will be pressing in to know more about the nation, the cultures and hopefully the languages. I hope to also make a trip out there in May to see where help may be needed to serve in the land. 

There is so much that this land has to offer, so much promise that should come to pass. Remember to "Pray for the peace of Jerusalem: "May they prosper who love you."

The Power of Words

Words.

Do we really understand the power in them? The world was created and is still multiplying from the beginning of time for the simple words the Lord spoke in those six days. "Let there be light." Galaxies are still being discovered. Amazing. I have been learning in my own life how restrained I am becoming in the words I use in everyday life. We are accountable for each word spoken. I'm not perfect and a few non-life giving words get through every now and then. What am I saying? What are you saying? Do I really mean it when I ask someone how they are doing? Am I bringing life to someone or cutting them down. It can almost be a maddening task to watch each word that comes from my mouth but God is long-suffering, and merciful. He allows me to walk it out, to catch myself. For me, I figure that speaking life to those around me can't harm too much but I do need to truly mean what I say or else it is almost as frivolous as speaking words that are not uplifting. What words are you using? Do you stand by the words you may be using? Is there life in these words?

"The tongue has the power of life and death," Prov 18:21

The symphony my heart played

So much of the American society is looking for that one thing that gives them fulfillment, success, joy, and happiness. Very few find it but the reality is it is always right in front of us we just have to choose to see it for what it is. I believe the biggest lesson I learned in these past few months is listening to what Father God is saying and then doing it. This past year God led me back to Kona to work with a DTS that ended up being a big part of my ability to see this reality.

Awaken was what God had told us over and over in many different ways. We adopted the word as the title of this DTS. Awaken to His love; Awaken to His ways; Awaken to reality. As staff we did our best to keep our focus on Jesus and God did the rest. Our biggest desire was that each student that came to this DTS would leave with a bigger view of Who our God is and a deeper understanding of how much He loves each one of us.

For me, I was deeply humbled by each student that He allowed me to disciple. I was very priviledged to watch the metamorphisis He was taking them through right before my eyes. Hearing the excitement in their voices when they discovered how they are trully loved by the Creator of the universe just brings me to a place of shear humbleness. Hearing how their dreams and visions are developing and changing as time went on was so amazing. As I look back and see all that was done I hear my heart sing the symphony God placed from the beginning of time. I know that I was made to do exactly what I am doing at this place in this time. Leading people into the reality of Who our God is and how awesome and loving He is is all of the fulfillment and success I need. Walking with them in their discovery of the greatness of our God is the joy and happiness I want to experience as I do what God has called me to do.